Tuesday, April 17, 2018

My Frozen 2 Plot Ideas (Pay Attention, Disney)

Back in 2015, Disney officially announced that they're making Frozen 2, but they have been cagey with details.  Here we are, three years later, and so far the only story I saw was a speculative piece on how Elsa might be a lesbian.

 Because women without boyfriends are obviously lesbians.
Which is why in Justice League, they had to establish that Diana was still upset about Trevor, 
even though she barely knew him and a century had passed. Guuurl get over it.

Since Disney might just be winging it and hoping to God that a script falls into their lap for Frozen 2, I would like to humbly propose my own idea of what Frozen 2 should look like.

Frozen centers around the idea of familial, sororal love as opposed to Disney's traditional romantic heterosexual love.  I think the Frozen franchise should continue to explore those themes of friendship and familial non-romantic love.  Here's my proposed ideas for Frozen 2.

You can just send me my Oscar for Best Animated in the mail, thanks.


Anna and Christof are in a relationship but Elsa has her doubts. She is protective of her little sister and fears that Christof isn't good enough for Anna. After all, he's not even royalty! But after Anna is kidnapped by the Duke of Weaselton, who plans to ransom her to force Elsa to re-instate trade between Weaselton and Arendelle, Elsa and Christof are forced to team up to save her. They discover that the Duke has an older brother who was locked away due to his powers, just like Elsa was as a child. Can Elsa, Christof, Sven, and Olaf free the rightful ruler of Weaselton and rescue Anna? In this sequel, Elsa learns to let loose and have fun from Christof, and Christof learns a thing or two about refinement from Elsa.

Why it would work:
  • Elsa gets more screentime.
  • It examines a male-female relationship that is not romantic.
  • It examines the idea of two opposite personalities learning to get along, compromise, cooperate, and appreciate each other while maintaining their own identities.
  • It resolves the trade dispute between Arendelle and Weaselton.
  • Sven meets a female reindeer.
  • Olaf lets Sven take his carrot nose to give to the girl reindeer. He spends the rest of the movie trying out various new noses.
  • When Sigvard, the rightful heir to Weaselton, is coronated and the Duke is locked away, they resume trade with Arendelle. Their main export? Carrots

What, what?

Script Samples:

[Scene 1: In which Elsa expresses her concerns.]

[Proposed musical number: "He's a Very Ice Guy."]

ANNA: Isn't he wonderful, Elsa?

[Elsa glances at Christof. He is cleaning out his ear with a pinkie. He removes his finger from his ear and examines it.]

ELSA: ...I don't know, Anna. He's a bit... rough.

ANNA: Elsa, what is your problem with Christof? He's a great guy, and he's perfect for me! Don't you see that?

[Elsa glances at Christof again. Now he's aggressively scratching his head like a dog.]

ELSA: ...I just feel like he's... a bit... well, he's not like us, Anna. I mean, he's the ice delivery guy, and we don't even need ice. He didn't grow up in a castle. He doesn't understand.

ANNA: He understands me.  Isn't that what really matters?

ELSA: I just want what's best for you.

ANNA: And that's Christof! Please, Elsa. Trust me.

[Elsa looks at Christof. He is examining a fancy vase. He pokes it, and it wobbles. He awkwardly tries to right it.]

ELSA: ...okay. Just... think about it, Anna. You're a princess, and that comes with a lot of responsibility.

[Off-screen, there's a shattering noise. The girls turn to Christof, who whistles innocently and shoves the pieces of the vase behind the vase's stand with his foot.]

[SCENE 2: Anna is captured.]

[Proposed musical number: "A Sister Would Cross the Ocean."]

ANNA (in a cell): My sister will find me! You'll never get away with this!

DUKE (outside the cell): I already have!

[He laughs evilly. The camera pans out to show the ship they're on, gliding silently away from Arendelle on still water beneath a full moon.]

[Scene 3: In which Christof and Elsa scale the tower.]

[Proposed musical number: "No Ladder Like the Present!"]

ELSA, hopelessly: There's no way to the top!

CHRISTOF: There's got to be.

[He thinks.]

CHRISTOF (snapping his fingers through a mitten): An ice ladder! Make an ice ladder, Elsa!

ELSA: An ice ladder?! Christof, that would never work. I can't make an ice ladder. And how did you snap your fingers through that mitten?

CHRISTOF (grabbing her shoulders): There's no time to explain! If you can make a castle, you can make an ice ladder. You can do it, Elsa! Do it for your sister!

[Elsa looks hesitant, but the music swells and she knows she can do it. CUT TO: Elsa is climbing a ladder of ice.]

ELSA (gleefully): This was a great idea!

[The camera pans sharply down. Christof is shivering ferociously and trying to rub his hands together for warmth.]

CHRISTOF: T-t-this was a t-t-terrible idea.

[Scene 4: In which Elsa, Anna, and Christof convince Sigvard to come out of his tower.]

[Proposed musical number 1: "See, This Is Why Feudalism Doesn't Work."]
[Proposed musical number 2: "She's Different, But Not a Lesbian."]

ANNA: He's the Duke's brother. He's the rightful heir to the throne.

[In the shadows, an older man sits hunched.]

ELSA: ...is this true?

SIGVARD (voice quavering): It's true that I am the first-born, and was the next in line for the throne. But I cannot be king. I... I am... a monster.

[The chair he sits in begins to grow frost.]

ELSA (shocked): He's... he's like me.

CHRISTOF: You're not a monster! You're just... different. And so's Elsa, and she's a great ruler!

[Elsa looks touched.]

SIGVARD: No. No... I... I cannot take the throne. The people of Weaselton deserve better.

ANNA: Better like the Duke? Sigvard, it's a mess out there! Ever since he seized control, he's been taxing them more than they can bear, and destroying all your trade relations! Your kingdom needs you!

[She approaches him, but is blown back by an icy wind.]

SIGVARD: Stay back! Please! I... I don't want to hurt you!

[Elsa steps forward.]

ELSA (quietly): You can't hurt me.

[Elsa goes to him and takes his hand. Both their hands are quickly enveloped in frost.]

ELSA: I used to be scared too. I used to hide too. But I learned to control my powers. Sigvard, we can help you.

[Sigvard looks up at her, not quite daring to hope.]

SIGVARD: But what if I hurt someone?

ANNA (touching the white lock in her hair): You just have to trust yourself, Sigvard. It'll be okay. We'll help.

[Scene 5: Olaf's new nose; Olaf gives Sven a carrot to give to his new romantic interest.]

[Proposed musical number: "Reindeer Games."]

ANNA: ...is that an old boot?

OLAF (adjusting his boot): It sure is!

CHRISTOF: Does it work?

OLAF: It smells!

Crazy M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist:

Disney, if you are REALLY committed to the subplot of someone being gay, instead of making it Elsa, make it Sven. He can spend the whole subplot trying to impress, seduce, and get the "female" reindeer to notice him.  He's smitten.  That other reindeer is a hottie.

And at the very end, when the reindeer speaks, he realizes it was a guy reindeer all along.

 [Proposed musical number: "Female Reindeers Have Antlers Too, Seriously, Google It"]

Congrats, Sven, it was a trap and you're gay now!  Or maybe you're just learning something new about yourself!  And meanwhile the kids just learned a fun fact about reindeer in general!  Everyone is a winner!

Disney, you've done it again!

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