Monday, March 4, 2013

Quick Update: Job Hunt

Hey Blog.  Quick entry just so I'm not falling behind.  Truth be told, not much is happening.  I had two interviews with Amgen last week, and got refused for one, and the other I got a "we're considering other candidates," which is a refusal with an asterisk.

They did give me some good advice: they said I came on too strong at the interview.  Well, I can see that.  At one point I said something was honey-glazed and when the interviewer said "You mean honey-coated?" I said, "No, honey-glazed.  Like the ham."

The good news is that they told me I was perfectly qualified, had the experience and work ethic, and would totally own the job.  Once again, my anxiety translated into over-confidence and I bombed the interview.

They were looking for a Kenneth, not a Jack.

The good news is, I'm getting better and better at interviews and I'm getting better and better at answering the questions.  Give me another few months and a hundred more applications and I'm sure I'll get a job eventually.

Also, does anyone else think it's weird how the interviewers did a reverse Hannibal Lector on me?  Truthfully the weirdest part is how spot-on they were about my personality.  They were like, "Listen, you're perfect, but you have a... strong personality.  Also, we think you might be co-dependent and have a substance abuse problem.  We're really looking for a candidate that was hugged enough as a child."  Then when I started crying, they gently embraced me and whispered, "We'll keep your resume on file."

I found this relevant clipart, but it appears to be a card.  I like to imagine the inside of the card says "YOU'RE FIRED!!!" in Comic Sans with a bunch of little happy suns around it.

I guess I knew I'd blown it when I kicked in the door and yelled that I'd have their jobs in a couple years.  Although to be fair, they did ask me where I planned to be in five years.  Or maybe they asked if I was a team player.  I'll be honest, I wasn't listening.  I was wearing my Drunk Sombrero and listening to Enrique and didn't have time for their asinine questions.

(Hopefully everyone understands that I'm joking here.)

Oh well.  Live and learn.  I'm confident that I'm getting better at doing this and that I'm on the right path.  There's two possibilities, really: either they hire me and I prove that I was just nervous at the interview and I'm actually a great person, OR they don't hire me and we forget about each other forever.  So it's not worth obsessing over.

In other news, Andrew and I have put together the house better... we got a couch that matches our rug and the house is finally looking more homey and I don't mind having people over.

So overall I'm pleased, making progress and getting stuff done, and getting interviews and doing a little better at each one.

Stuff with Jack still sucks.  I invited him to come get a sandwich with me and he was fucking around on his iPhone the whole time, which is not how you mend a friendship.  I'm going to let him start working on his, because I feel like I try and he responds by telling me my boobs are big and ignoring me.  (Not being facetious here, he actually told me my boobs are big, which is both inane and immature.)  (It's true, it's just like, you know, don't be a tool about it.)  If he really cares he'd grow up... a lot.  But I don't think he does.  He has so many friends he can't even be bothered to have a 15-minute-long conversation with me without checking his phone a couple times, replying to "time sensitive" messages.  They're ALL time sensitive, according to him.  If he were defusing a bomb and got a ping from his phone (420hi4lyfe: no YOUR a faggot!!1!) he'd probably push the bomb aside because the message was "time sensitive."  (jack: nuh-uh ur mom is teh faggot.)

On the other hand I feel awful because I love Andrew so much and I've put him in a terrible position where his two best friends can't hang out cordially, so he has to act like a mediator and split his time and everything, and that's not cool.  Andrew said Jack is very distressed and he said I'm like a baby snake.  (Fun fact: Baby snakes don't know how to bite without releasing ALL their venom.  Once they mature, they can release venom in smaller amounts to debilitate prey and still have more venom left over.)  But if Jack were half as distressed as Andrew says, wouldn't he grow up already and stop constantly acting like a teenager with unmedicated ADD?  I mean, damn, seriously.

Andrew says he's confident it will get resolved.  I want to believe him.  So far Andrew's never led me astray and always gives good advice.  For example, he dragged me to church this Sunday, which I was very grateful for.  It's stupid but I always wanted a guy who would come to church with me, and Andrew is the guy who dresses up in church clothes and yells at me to get out of bed even when I'm thrashing around and vomiting pea soup on him.

This is both my exorcism face as well as the look I get anytime he says I smell pretty.

He finally told me he was going even if I wasn't.  Ashamed at being out-Catholicked by a Jew, I did drag myself after him eventually.  (When he made it to the church, he sent me a text message that said "It's not too late to join me!"  Also he remembered to bring in my food for the food pantry.  What a winner, amirite, ladies?)  We got to carry up the offering to the alter AND on the way back I found $20 lying in the street.  God works in obvious ways sometimes.

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