Thursday, February 14, 2013

Fuck you, Valentine, Imma get me some boozahol!

I've always been conflicted on Valentine's Day.  It's typically been a bit like this:

And my typical response has been this:

But there's part of me that feels that the V-Day backlash is a bit juvenile.  Unless you are the actual St. Valentine, who understandably hates this holiday, as it commemorates his beheading in 269 A.D. at the order of then-Roman emperor Claudius the Cruel.

So this year I thought I'd do something different and try to enjoy myself.  So far it's not going so great.  You think that after primary school, it won't matter anymore, but it does; you're really aware of it and it sucks a little.

So I convinced Andy to come with me to see "Lady and the Tramp" in theatres tonight, because nothing quite cheers me up like a good family Disney movie.

 Ha ha, Walt Disney!  What a kidder.

But still, [emo rambling.]  You know?

And I haven't got much else to look forward to.  This weekend Andrew will be away and as you know, weekends aren't typically conducive to interviews, mail, or even call backs.  I hate weekends most of all.  This weekend Andrew will be camping (an activity I used to love) with a big group of people, Jack included.  I can't go in part because of social anxiety and in part because the dogs need me there to take care of them.  So I'm thinking, eh, at least I'll get to hang out with him before he leaves, right?  Nope; he's taking his ex-girlfriend out to some fancy avant-garde party tomorrow.  I don't want to sound jealous, but damn it, I am.  I'm so lonely and envious and I just want to scream at her sometimes.  (And sometimes I do, which makes me feel even worse.  I wish we could be friends.)

A lot of feelings stem from this idea that Andy's purposely sending me a message.  Something along the lines of, "Look, I take lots of pathetic single girls out to make them feel temporarily better!"  That I'm basically another Jenny to him, only an unemployed one who drinks a lot.

Artist's depiction.

That's the problem with nice people; you never know if they're being sincere.  Me, I'm a total asshole, but no one ever questions my sincerity.  And look at Jack.  He's been a total tool since I came here, but he's never strung me along, technically speaking.  Except for the entire relationship according to him.  But let's pretend he never said that for the sake of maintaining this entry's train of thought.

Doug would have gotten a date with Patty Mayonnaise a hell of a lot faster if he'd just asked for Roger's advice from the start.  Roger would've told him straight.  Also, look at how much better Roger is dressed than Doug.  That's what assholes bring to the table: honesty and ravishing good fashion sense.  Also, I was originally going to have a picture here of Ralph's "choo-choo-choose you" card following my train comment above, but decided there's already more than enough Simpsons on here.  I don't even like Simpsons that much... there just happens to be a Simpsons picture for EVERYTHING.

So anyways I'm feeling sort of down in the dumps, although hopefully you've already gathered that.  Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that I've irrevocably ruined any chance I had of taming Jenny and the nicest possible thing I can do is leave her alone and never talk to her again.  Honestly, I want to be able to like her, but I find it damn near impossible.  She occupies that uncanny valley of Not Quite Human... she never smiles or displays emotions, never says anything personal or anecdotal or interesting, and just sort of awkwardly occupies space.  It's not that she's unlikeable, either, per se.  But she's the one person in the room least likely to stand up for herself and who appears to take zero offence or damage if you ramble drunkenly at her, so of course I'm going to attack her.  Plus she uploaded roughly 600 million photos to FaceBook while dating my best friend, clogging up my newsfeed and reminding me of how totally alone I am ("HANGING OUT WITH ANDY THIS WEEKEND WAS AWESOME, THAT'S WHY HE WAS TOO BUSY TO TALK TO YOU TEE HEE"), not to mention reminding me of the inevitability of his eventually falling in love and abandoning me too. 

Ugh, this is so depressing to mull over.  I'm going to go watch some Disney to cheer me up.
Ha ha ha ha, Walt, you card!

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